SWF

So the salt water flush was a failure for me. Now, with all this sodium in me, in addition to my period, I'm very bloated. Yucky. I just got off work and downed a few laxatives. Hopefully that will help me clear out. I'm hoping they work soon though, because I'm tired and would like to go to bed haha. Here's my problem though. I don't want to take too many and have awful cramps, but I think I'm becoming immune to them since I have to take more and more. I made the mistake of using 6 on my first time, and it's been more since then. 

But I did slip up at work. I ate a little less than 900 calories. However, I'm not complaining, since the scale's back down to 225 where it should be. After these laxatives kick in, I'll be happy. 

Stay beautiful, ladies & gents

~Morgan

SWF in real time

8:40 I drank half the bottle. I seriously could not stomach any more. it was disgusting. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, it doesn't. To all you pretty thin ladies and gents who managed to drink the whole liter of salty grossness, I envy you. 

9:10 I'm laying on my right side now, like the sites have said to do. I had a few false alarms and just got off the toilet, but I think it was only what I had drank at work. I set my alarm for 9:40 just in case I fall asleep. I'm exhausted. Long day at work. Anyways, the urge to vomit is stronger than the urge to crap. Which stinks. I hate throwing up, so, sooo much. I kinda wish I would've just taken a million stool softeners and diuretics than this. There's a small twitching in my tummy. On another thought, have any of you realized how many tv commercials are about food? like seriously it's disgusting. Anyways, I kinda feel like I should be laying flat on my back rather than my side. Oh well. 

10:00 nothing. I'm going to bed. I've gone to bed after taking laxatives before and nothing ever came of it, well what I should've said is I've never crapped my bed lol. I'll wake up and run to the bathroom. My only issue is, every time I've ever had the urge to go while I'm asleep, is during the first hour after I've fallen asleep. I'm nervous that if something comes of this in like three hours, will I wake up? Eh. I'm so tired. I'll be fine. 

So it seems to me like this whole saltwater flush thing has just been a waste of time and $3. Story of my life. On the bright side, calorie consumption for the day is around 130: salad, gum, crystal light, black coffee, diet coke, diet dr pepper. That's pretty phenomenal for me. Lets see how long I can keep this up. Here's what I keep telling myself: 1) I love this empty feeling. So much better than a bloated, heavy feeling. Don't ruin it. 2) You don't need a root beer float, chew the root beer float flavored gum. Seriously. 3) You'll be one day closer to your goal weight if you don't screw up today. 

If anything happens, flush wise, I'll post about it later....... but I'm doubting anything will. 

~Morgan

wow, I have a blog now...!

Wednesday, June 18th, 2013
Hi, people of the Internet! I'm Morgan and I was inspired to create my own pro-ana blog after reading a million other blogs. They're such an inspiration and I wanna be a part of it myself. Let me start by saying, I am not rail-thin. Yet. I'm actually 225 pounds currently, down from a little shy of 300 by living a lifestyle with Ana by my side. I have little accountability threads on my pro Ana's website, however, I don't like the setup for them on my iphone, which is the only place I really have Internet access. So, with the help of a convenient app...Blogger, here I am.

It's currently early Wednesday for me, approximately 4 am. I'm at work. I'm a graveyard waitress and I hate it. But today has been phenomenal for me, calorie wise. No more than 100 calories. I had a subway salad (lettuce, tomato, cucumber, red onions, and banana peppers with red wine vinegar) as my only meal. I chewed some root beer flood flavored gum, had some coffee, guzzled some diet coke and iced tea, and that's about it for me. However, there is still time left in my day for me to screw up. ::sigh::

I need a day like today to undo yesterday. Approximately 3000 calories. Damn it. One bad choice led into another and then I said screw it and let myself go crazy. Pizza, soup, bread, iced mocha. And what did all that tell me? Food does not make Morgan happy.

The scale was up 6 pounds last night from yesterday morning, and I was too ashamed to weigh myself today. So, when 7 am rolls around and I can get out of work, to the super center I go. On a few other blogs, I read about other people and their success with a salt water cleanse, so I figured I'd try it. Even after my ridiculous calorie consumption yesterday, I have yet to produce a bowel movement. Tmi alert, haha. But I feel really constipated and coffee isn't helping at all. I long for that empty feeling again. After I rid myself of all this crap (haha), I'm gonna do liquids only. Fruit juices, protein shakes, and the like. I've read about people's success with this, so what do I have to lose but weight? haha. I have no real desire to chew food, anyways. A total 360 from my old self. Even if I do want to chew food, I just eat ice cubes and chew my root beer gum.

I'll be posting later about my saltwater cleanse. Up until then, I'm drinking water and diet coke like crazy. That way, in case I don't have success with the cleanse, at least all the liquids I'm drinking now should hopefully take the salt out of my system so I'm not all bloated. yuck!

talk to ya later,
Morgan <3