Wednesday, June 19, 2013

wow, I have a blog now...!

Wednesday, June 18th, 2013
Hi, people of the Internet! I'm Morgan and I was inspired to create my own pro-ana blog after reading a million other blogs. They're such an inspiration and I wanna be a part of it myself. Let me start by saying, I am not rail-thin. Yet. I'm actually 225 pounds currently, down from a little shy of 300 by living a lifestyle with Ana by my side. I have little accountability threads on my pro Ana's website, however, I don't like the setup for them on my iphone, which is the only place I really have Internet access. So, with the help of a convenient app...Blogger, here I am.

It's currently early Wednesday for me, approximately 4 am. I'm at work. I'm a graveyard waitress and I hate it. But today has been phenomenal for me, calorie wise. No more than 100 calories. I had a subway salad (lettuce, tomato, cucumber, red onions, and banana peppers with red wine vinegar) as my only meal. I chewed some root beer flood flavored gum, had some coffee, guzzled some diet coke and iced tea, and that's about it for me. However, there is still time left in my day for me to screw up. ::sigh::

I need a day like today to undo yesterday. Approximately 3000 calories. Damn it. One bad choice led into another and then I said screw it and let myself go crazy. Pizza, soup, bread, iced mocha. And what did all that tell me? Food does not make Morgan happy.

The scale was up 6 pounds last night from yesterday morning, and I was too ashamed to weigh myself today. So, when 7 am rolls around and I can get out of work, to the super center I go. On a few other blogs, I read about other people and their success with a salt water cleanse, so I figured I'd try it. Even after my ridiculous calorie consumption yesterday, I have yet to produce a bowel movement. Tmi alert, haha. But I feel really constipated and coffee isn't helping at all. I long for that empty feeling again. After I rid myself of all this crap (haha), I'm gonna do liquids only. Fruit juices, protein shakes, and the like. I've read about people's success with this, so what do I have to lose but weight? haha. I have no real desire to chew food, anyways. A total 360 from my old self. Even if I do want to chew food, I just eat ice cubes and chew my root beer gum.

I'll be posting later about my saltwater cleanse. Up until then, I'm drinking water and diet coke like crazy. That way, in case I don't have success with the cleanse, at least all the liquids I'm drinking now should hopefully take the salt out of my system so I'm not all bloated. yuck!

talk to ya later,
Morgan <3

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